Learning to Love Me

I can see her so clearly  

Her reflection staring back at me 

All of her pieces placed perfectly 

If only I could bring her to be 

Unafraid and unapologetically  

She makes it look so easy  

As smooth as a cool breeze 

Smiling so freely 

Embracing her abilities 

I’m fighting a ghost I cannot see 

Fighting the inner me 

When every hour feels like an eternity 

And the only peace I find is in my sleep 

My dreams hugging me close while I weep 

I awake to find myself still feeling guilty 

My thoughts are filthy  

Before I Fall

I”m somewhere you can’t find me

Don’t remind me

Dont bring me back to reality

I’m in my zone, Don’t mind me

Even if I’m crying, Lie to Me

I’m trying, to walk this fine line

Between living and dying

And then it all fades away

I’m just his phase today

Watching everything I do and say

Before I fall into an endless cycle of grey

I’m so lost and so afraid

Tripping over every step along the way

And I begged him. I begged him to stay

And I looked to God, They told me to Pray

And Maybe. Maybe that wasn’t enough

Maybe I’m digging and I can’t find up

And the direction is plaguing

Maybe I need saving

And through the dark

Through the grey

Through blinding light

I can see a way

Through the haze

The bliss and the pain

The shame

And again I’m falling

But my feet refuse to touch the ground

I refuse to come down

I’m being carried, not buried

Not dragged around

I’m being pushed I’m being pulled

I’m screaming with no sound

I’m failing

I see her, who I want to be

I saw her dreams

Her destiny

But she left me

She went where no one can see

What’s left of me

Keeps getting the best of me

Weighing on me heavily

And I’m hiding

Where no one can find me

When can I be my kind of me?

His love binds me, blinds me

Ruins me and finds me

And I’m shying, and crying and flying

And

Don’t mind me

They say I’m too sensitive

And too small

I’m too blunt

With too big of balls,

I’m misunderstood, Thats what it’s called

Well Fuck it all,

Im all tall,

I’m wild I’m free

I fall

Just the lies we tell them all

The lies we accept

The lies we expect

The truth left neglected

Festered and infected

Grew bigger when we left it

No more helping it

Until I can’t remember it

I’m no longer feeling it

I don’t want to deal with it

Put a book in front of my face

Because I don’t want to hear it

When the same old blow is still deliviring

My soul is still trembling

I can no longer tell what’s real

What I see, what I hear

How I feel

And I’m falling

Or flying

And I just want to chill

Find the divine light and the power to heal

And I give in

To the creativity within

My fingers touch the pen

Now, Let’s begin